Why does January 1, prompt us to make resolutions, set goals and decisions. Well, for some reason I always hope that setting the goals for the new year that I will accomplish more. It is said that you do accomplish more if you set your goals, because if you don’t you have nothing to hit. Well, this year, I really want to improve my own marriage by improving our communication. Can I make a confession? I don’t or we don’t have it all together in our marriage. I wish it was perfect, but it’s not. (I want to put a sad face here) I guess if it were perfect God would give me some harder things to work on that might be worse. So with God’s help this year, I will work on our communication.
Did you see that? I said I will work on our communication. Many times we think we both have to be working on our communication, but what do you do when one of you doesn’t want to , such as in my situation. John thinks if it’s not that bad why make things uncomfortable. Well, there are some hopes, dreams and challenges that I would like to share with him that I think could make us closer. He doesn’t think it’s worth it to upset the apple cart and especially if it involves conflict. But I have learned over the past 25 years that it doesn’t take two people to change behaviors in a marriage, but one can change it if they change their ways. It’s interesting to see the dance change when a partner changes it.
So this year, I’m going to learn how to communicate with my sweet husband. I first of all want to convey to him my feelings about money and about our future. I am going to hopefully share what I learn with those reading this and hopefully have some things that will be positive to share or it may be that I have to share what not to do. Both John and I tend to run away from conflict rather than face it respectfully. I am going to claim the promise that God has given me “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Phillipians 4: 13.
Hopefully I can keep this up and you can watch. I will probably struggle just as each of you might struggle, so please be patient with me. Yes, I have the head knowledge, but my heart reacts wrong. My emotions tend to get the best of me at times. And this will also be a test so that I learn how to use my frontal lobe (this is what I teach our teens). If I ask them to learn how to use their frontal lobe, isn’t it a good idea for me to do the same?
Well, here it goes. I will first start out writing a list of the main things that I would like to communicate with him. Then I will ask if there is a good time for us to sit down and talk. I have to be really careful, because I tend to make this very threatening for John. I need to make it a positive sandwich. I need to tell him what I appreciate about him and that I really want to tsee us grow closer this year. Then I need to ask gently for him to talk with me. I may have to put this in a letter. Then I will start out with my concerns and my desires. Then I need to let me share his concerns and desires also. All with using respect in my body language, tone and words. Ok, I will let you know as I move through this. This is VERY scarey to me, because it has not gone too well in the past. I’m using the methods I have taught for the past ten years and have used these successfully before. These are written in the program “Mastering the Mysteries of Love”. I will report next week if I got brave enough.