Family Frameworks

It’s a New Year! What’s New With You?

  • It’s a New Year! What’s New With You?

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Jan 2015

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Why does January 1, prompt us to make resolutions, set goals and decisions.  Well,  for some reason I always hope that setting the goals for the new year that I will accomplish more.  It is said that you do accomplish more if you set your goals, because if you don’t you have nothing to hit.  Well, this year, I really want to improve my own marriage by improving our communication.  Can I make a confession?  I don’t or we don’t have it all together in our marriage.  I wish it was perfect, but it’s not.  (I want to put a sad face here) I guess if it were perfect God would give me some harder things to work on that might be worse.  So with God’s help this year, I will work on our communication.

Did you see that?  I said I will work on our communication.  Many times we think we both have to be working on our communication, but what do you do when one of you doesn’t want to , such as in my situation.   John thinks if it’s not that bad why make things uncomfortable.  Well, there are some hopes, dreams and challenges that I would like to share with him that I think could make us closer.  He doesn’t think it’s worth it to upset the apple cart and especially if it involves conflict.  But I have learned over the past 25 years that it doesn’t take two people to change behaviors in a marriage, but one can change it if they change their ways.  It’s interesting to see the dance change when a partner changes it.

So this year, I’m going to learn how to communicate with my sweet husband.  I first of all want to convey to him my feelings about money and about our future.  I am going to hopefully share what I learn with those reading this and hopefully have some things that will be positive to share or it may be that I have to share what not to do.  Both John and I tend to run away from conflict rather than face it respectfully.  I am going to claim the promise that God has given me “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.  Phillipians 4: 13.

Hopefully I can keep this up and you can watch.  I will probably struggle just as each of you might struggle, so please be patient with me.  Yes, I have the head knowledge, but my heart reacts wrong.  My emotions tend to get the best of me at times.  And this will also be a test so that I learn how to use my frontal lobe (this is what I teach our teens).   If I ask them to learn how to use their frontal lobe, isn’t it a good idea for me to do the same?

Well, here it goes.  I will first start out writing a list of the main things that I would like to communicate with him.  Then I will ask if there is a good time for us to sit down and talk.  I have to be really careful, because I tend to make this very threatening for John.  I need to make it a positive sandwich.  I need to tell him what I appreciate about him and that I really want to tsee us grow closer this year.  Then I need to ask gently for him to talk with me.  I may have to put this in a letter.  Then I will start out with my concerns and my desires.  Then I need to let me share his concerns and desires also.  All with using respect in my body language, tone and words.  Ok,  I will let you know as I move through this.  This is VERY scarey to me, because it has not gone too well in the past.  I’m using the methods I have taught for the past ten years and have used these successfully before.  These are written in the program “Mastering the Mysteries of Love”.  I will report next week if I got brave enough.

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