Family Frameworks

Oh Dear I think I’m Avoiding This Challenge!

  • Oh Dear I think I’m Avoiding This Challenge!

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Feb 2015

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When I last blogged, over a month ago, I was telling my woes about talking to my husband about the challenges of finances.  Since then,  He’s really tried to be open with me.  My best time to talk with him is in the car.  That’s when he LOVES to TALK!  So about a month ago i had asked him for the tax records so I could figure what kind of number I could use to make a budget.  My thoughts are that I would make a budget, see where we are regarding that budget and follow it the best I can.  WRONG!  Or at least I have had some challenges doing it that way.  I got the same old answer that he’s given me in the past.  “We are doing the best we can with what we have so why would a budget help us?”  Oh man, my verbal skills seem so limited when it comes to conflict.  I just want to run away and just not talk about it.  Well, to be honest that’s what I’ve been doing.  I look at the numbers, he’s really not doing that bad on his part, but me?  Well, maybe it’s me that needs the budget so I can know my limits.

When we first married,  he took charge of the check book.  I had always paid the bills in my previous marriage.  I was more than willing to give this up, I thought.  Except I soon found out that I had no clue what my boundaries were.   We had a big talk then and we did make a budget sort of.  It was cash.  I don’t have access to the checkbook, so cash has been great.  That gve me some boundaries.  But, now I notice that if I don’t have quite enough he or I will pull out the old plastic.  Ugh, that doesn’t work.  I’m still doing that and I realize I’m wrong.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day and she asked me why do you have to say good things about your spouse.  It made her feel better to say the bad things.   This is where I am here, I’ve got to find the good in this situation too.  Yes, my husband can be a jer about the money and not making a budget, but you know what?  He’s probably saying the same thing about me or that I can be a jerk in insisting on a budget.  So we are both wrong and where do we go with that if we just keep focusing on the negative?  I am going to choose to keep moving forward and control the things I can.  I can make a budget and look to see where I am messing up.  I can hopefully show him then how we can make it a lot better.

But this running away and getting distracted isn’t really helping.  So here I go again.  I will promise you once again, I will try.

I hope I give you encouragement.  I hope you see that my marriage is so far from perfect and so am I.  We struggle just like everyone else!! To those that have said things about these posts I am grateful.  It’s encouraging to know that when I am bearing my soul this way, I am hearing the positive.  But I guess I’m also grateful that I’m not hearing how stupid I am from those that are commenting too.  Thanks for reading.  Would love to hear how others face their communication challenges!

BTW Here’s a great blog from Dave Ramsey that is so essential!! Wow! I think we are both saying the same thing, but I’m not quite there yet. 

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