Well, here’s what I did. I wrote a letter using the skills of telling him that I love and appreciate him but I have some concerns and desires. I wrote out all my concerns and desires then asked him to do three things. Two days later he says, did you get the stuff I put out on the table for you? But the conversation did not go downhill. He gave me what I needed right then and I will continue to move forward. I still have a little ways to go. I’m really glad that I wrote it on this matter rather than asking, because our conversations, (on money) usually escalate. This time it didn’t. I did not read extra into his comments that he made or his reaction. My body language was not what he was used to seeing either. So overall I felt this worked for us.
So, what’s the next step. I guess I need to reveal that we have two opinions on how to plan our monies. I want to have a budget and he doesn’t. He thinks of it like a diet and I think of it as a plan. We are both spenders, but also savers. But his frustration is with how I bring it up and he feels as though I don’t trust him. (at least that’s what I surmise)
My first step in getting us to talk about our finances was to help me to understand our situation better. I had asked him for our tax returns to understand the actual income we have. He did not believe that I would understand the tax forms. I guess I fooled him. I was just looking for a certain number or taxable income so I could build a budget from there. Then I will look at the bills and build our budget based on what we are spending. I am not going to make him sit down and do this at this point. I’m taking the attitude that I need to learn about what I’m talking about. I need to keep my own spending under control and not try to tell him he’s spending too much. Then I will make the changes in my own lifestyle and hope then that he will see the benefits.
So now as I move forward I hope that you will pray that I will look at myself more than I try to “blame” him. I want to learn how I can contribute to the family as a team member. I want him to see that I care about him and that I’m willing to do what it takes before I even consider asking him to follow. So that’s my next step. I will report in on how my attitude it. biggest thing I’ve been learning over the past ten years is to treat him with respect. Honor his opinion and don’t try to act like my opinion is the only one that matters. I also have learned that I can’t ask anything of him that I’m not willing to do myself. And last, I’ve learned that I don’t operate my behavior according to his behavior. I have to look to do the best I can about me and let him be him. I still have a long ways to go, but I’m hoping this will eventually get us to be able to talk about our finances without a tense showdown.
Let me know what you think. Some of you have told me you’re reading my blog but I would really appreciate your thoughts, your concerns and what you need to learn. Let’s interact here. I’m hoping this not only turns out well for me but for some of you too. I believe with all my heart that “We can do all things through Christ”. It’s not me doing this, but I believe Christ is working on my heart saying, you worry about you, trust me, I’ll take care of him. Hope to hear from you!! Hang in there, Marriage is worth it. Found this great blog that you might like too.