Family Frameworks

Just Finish and Don’t Die!!

  • Just Finish and Don’t Die!!


Jun 2014


IMG_0567I am a biker, triathaloner, and whatever else you can talk me in to keep me moving, sort of, but I would not call me an athlete!! My goal has always been to JUST FINISH and DON’T DIEWhen I !! When I recently did the Horsey Hundred and could not finish the 104 mile century and got into the SAG wagon I was disappointed but knew I wasn’t giving up, just knew when to quit.  Well I started thinking about this recently and about my life and what all I’ve done there.

IMG_0072When do you quit and when do you keep going?  I just read a devotional by Dennis Rainey that mentioned the statistic that 2/3’s of our marriages today end in divorce and are not related to infidelity or abuse but just not getting along.  That made me so very sad.  I was doing an exam on a sweet little boy that I had known since he was 4 years old.  I always ask how mom and dad are doing in their marriage.  I knew they had been struggling and I knew that this precious little boy boy was also suffering from their struggles.  I had to be really honest with the dad and ask, is there abuse, or infidelity?  He stated no, so I said, why can’t you keep fighting for your marriage?  Is it really time to quit?  I gave him some suggestions and hopefully encouragement to keep going.  He listened and was at least open to it.  He and his wife have not gone through the legal process of divorce so there still seems like hope there.

IMG_0785I remember when I went through my divorce.  There was infidelity involved and I struggled ith knowing when to get into the SAG wagon, so to speak.  I didn’t want to then and still have some regrets, especially for my children’s sakes.  But eventually you have to make a decision.  And that decision is about moving forward.  If you cannot move forward any further and you have tried everything you possibly can and infidelity continues and/or abuse continues, you might have to stop the marriage.  Many times it’s just a time out such a separation hopefully .  Get the emotions out of it all and then build again.  But sometimes you might have to go all the way through a divorce so you can let the old relationship die so you can start a new one.  And that does not necessarily mean with a new person. You can start a new relationship that is healthier with your present spouse.

IMG_0586The thing that most people don’t get is, you have to quit blaming the other person and trying to change them.  You HAVE to work on what you can change and that is YOU!!.  When you change the way you react or your attitude, and that does not mean being a doormat, you can change the relationship.  I have seen this in my present marriage, and it has been so helpful.  Those that fight for their marriage even if there is only 20% good in the marriage have a greater chance of making it work in 2 years.  Aren’t your children worth the fight, isn’t your marriage worth the fight?

photoDo you really want to trade one imperfect person for another?  I love my present husband, so very much and we have built a wonderful marriage and relationship, but it was hard work.  And we still don’t have this thing down pat!  But we choose, to keep going and not to get into the SAG wagon.  We will not die and we will finish! (well we might die but that is the finish)

IMG_0608Please encourage someone in their marriage today.  Let them know their marriage worth the fight to the finish.

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